Chapter 7: Evacuation to Thailand

 

Chapter 7: Evacuation to Thailand

September 21

Bangkok, Thailand

Fifteen LAS expat teachers gathered for drinks in a little cafe in the Sukhumvit district of Bangkok. We jokingly called ourselves ‘refugees’.

While we were there, word came through that the forced evacuation notice had just come through. At that point, we and the school were insured. We rejoiced and had another drink. We were going to get our salaries paid.

The shock and stress of the last two weeks was wearing off. We were able to laugh and joke. The call back date to school was October 21. That gave us a month to relax and explore Thailand.

Less than a day in and we were grabbed by the bustling lure of Bangkok. It was a city full of energy and far different than any city we had visited to that point. (‘Bang’ means area and ‘kok’ is a type of tree. So ‘Bangkok” is an area of kok trees, not an excuse to sack your male friends.)

That evening, we went to a restaurant called Cabbages & Condoms, which was started by the Health Minister. He wanted to bring attention to the spread of sexually transmitted infections.

Situated on a side road, a small path led through trees and shrubs finally opening up into the restaurant. Rope lights lit up the massive tree that shielded the restaurant. The noise and bustle of Bangkok melted away.

Colourful condoms sat under the glass tabletops. Complimentary breath mints were replaced by complimentary condoms. A gift shop sold condom and sex related souvenirs. I bought a tie.

The need was there for education regarding the sex trade. Ads for “beautiful and talented Thai men and women” who will escort you around town were everywhere. Respectable men hold hands with young women. It was disturbing. I could not imagine my daughter - or son - having to live that life.

An article explained that some rural families would sell a daughter into the sex trade industry. Selling a daughter meant a quick influx of cash and one less mouth to feed.

September 22

Bangkok, Thailand

Bangkok is a busy, exhaust filled city of ten million people. Traffic jams are as frequent as the site of men walking hand in hand with young girls. 7-11s are on every street. Tailors offer suits perfectly fitted to any body type. Roadside vendors sell throwing stars, bootleg movies, t-shirts, fake watches, jewelry, and porn. Vendors cook up grilled banana, satay, grilled eggs, spring-rolls, soups, rice, frogs, and fish cooked over coals in tin foil. I could have sworn one vendor had deep fried insects. I wanted to try them but was afraid that eating deep fried insects may have resulted in “Delhi Belly” (diarrhoea).

The Royal Palace beckoned. There, we blessed ourselves with a lotus flower dipped in holy water before lighting candles. We took a boat ride on the Chao Praya River. Wats (temples) and large hotels rose up on the shores.

A long taxi ride brought us to a recommend jeweller, which Dana loved. In all, it was a relaxing day where we could just enjoy.

Later in the afternoon, we boarded a train bound for the north and Chiang Mai. We played cribbage as the jungle sped by.

As night fell, a gentleman came and converted our seats to beds. It was a chilly sleep due to the air-conditioning.

The toilet was a hole in the train car’s floor. You could watch the railroad ties speed beneath as you went to the washroom. Squatting had never been so adventurous.

September 23

Chiang Mai, Thailand

Compared to Bangkok, Chiang Mai is a much more relaxed city. The one million inhabitants enjoy cleaner air and a cooler climate as well.

Dana interviewed with CBC Regina in French. The reporter asked some very insightful questions about the evacuation experience.

The day was spent by the pool and shopping near the hotel. It was nice to relax and decompress.

September 24-September 30

Chiang Mai, Thailand

We were picked up in the morning by the “Udom Porn” tour company. Good name. Catchy.

Our first stop was a Buddhist temple in a small village. Overlooking a river and surrounded by thick jungle, the temple was a reminder of how simple life could (should?) be.

Then it was off to a camp where they raised elephants. The proceeds went towards the preservation of elephants in Thailand. We got to feed them bananas and sugar cane. After a bath in the river, the elephants put on a show. They moved logs, kicked soccer balls, dunked basketballs, played the harmonica, and bowed to the audience.

One male elephant got a little sexually excited. It was as if a large PVC pipe descended from his abdomen and hit the ground.

We then went on an elephant ride up into the jungle. A traditional ox-cart brought us back done.

After a traditional Thai lunch, we floated down the river on a narrow bamboo raft. We took turns steering with a long bamboo pole. Pakistan seemed so far away.

The next stop was an orchid farm, where they showed us the different varieties of orchids. In the men’s room, the urinals faced a rolling valley carpeted with jungle foliage. I could tell because there was no wall to block the view. The washroom consisted of the floor, urinals attached to a two foot high wall, and then a plunge down to the valley below.

I checked to ensure that no one was creeping along the edge before I went to the washroom. The male elephant made me self-conscious.

Along a dusty road, we stopped at a little roadside stand for drinks. A wrinkly, tiny lady - who appeared to be two hundred years old - approached Dana looking for a handout. She was blasted to oblivion on some sort of weed or drug. Snuggled next to Dana, she just stood there and giggled. The woman spoke no English but she was funny. Dana got her picture taken with her before she staggered down the road, pocketing the coins we gave her, and giggling to herself.

A short distance down the road stood a refugee camp. A group of women and children, the Longnecks or Padaung, had crossed the border from Myanmar. Their government was enslaving them. They came to Thailand for safety.

Amongst the jungle, the women survived by making or selling souvenirs and accepting handouts from tourists. Posing for pictures was another source of income. Their homes were simple bamboo huts and dirt floors.

They are known as Longnecks for they wear brass rings around their necks to give the impression of longer, more beautiful necks. Our tour guide ensured us that it was only an optical illusion. Autopsies showed that their necks were no longer than any other woman’s. They just appeared to be longer.

I felt like an ass for joking about being a refugee from Pakistan after seeing how real refugees lived.

The Udom Porn company returned us safely back to our hotel. 

After an overnight train to Bangkok, we drove out to the floating market. Traditionally, the floating market had long, flat boats that “float” around selling various types of food and other items. The market morphed into a tourist trap, losing much of it’s traditional charm.

The Rose Garden cultural show showcased Thai dancing, boxing, sword fighting, and a traditional marriage ceremony.

That evening I had an Indian expat measure me for a suit. He had made clothes for George Bush. He also made clothing for Nancy Reagan and our current Canadian Ambassador to Thailand.

I would wear that suit at our Canadian wedding.

October 1

Koh Samui

A thirteen hour train ride and a three hour ferry ride brought us to the island of Koh Samui. Koh Samui’s claim to fame is tourism and the export of two million coconuts a month to Bangkok.

They are also blessed to have the Grandmother and Grandfather rocks. The Grandmother rock looks like a vagina and the Grandfather rock looks like a penis pointing to the sky. Grandpa’s frisky.

Dana was now feeling settled with the situation in Pakistan. I was not there yet. Judging by the emails from the other staff, no one else felt good about it either. I was reading newspapers and watching TV too much. I needed to let it go.

We purchased an Osama bin Laden t-shirt, a very popular item in Thailand.

October 2

SCUBA Course

With time to spare, we signed up for a SCUBA diving course, which consisted of five videos, a couple of books, and a quiz. By the end of the day, we were pooped. We were not used to being students.

October 3

We wrote our final exam and then headed to the pool to learn how to use the gear and practice regulating our buoyancy in the pool.

After some practice, our instructor, Nit, treated us to lunch. Up a winding path stood a small shack with plastic tables and chairs underneath the blue sky. The floor was rocks and pebbles. Chickens ran around our feet as we ate and visited. The food was fantastic!

October 4

We left the Chaweng Cove Resotel, excited for a day out on the water. We were about to put our training into practice. Three beach dives showed us the beauty of the Gulf of Thailand. A blowfish hid in a coral cave - one cautious, inquisitive eye rotated in its’ socket. He would retreat as I approached the entrance to his abode.

Unfortunately, I had trouble re-pressurizing my ears. This limited the enjoyment and the depth that I could dive to.

That evening, as we walked the beach before supper, a woman approached us. She traveled through southeast Asia creating five minute segments for TV. She asked us if she could film us walking down the beach and ordering a coconut from a coconut salesman.

We picked out one of his nicer nuts. He hacked a hole in the coconut and plopped in a straw. In front of the camera, we drank the delicious coconut milk for everyone’s viewing pleasure.

Monkeys were trained to climb the trees and pick the coconuts. That was the real story. We were just the human beneficiaries of monkey know how.

October 5

We both scored 97% on our SCUBA test. Our pool sessions went well, so we were deemed ready for the open waters of the Gulf. Our boat headed out to Koh Tao.

I was concerned about my inability to equalize the pressure in my ears. It occurred to me that my head might inflate like the blowfish I saw the day before. Two metres was no problem but we were expected to descend to twelve metres.

As we neared the island, we went through our orientation and got our gear on. We performed our final checks and jumped into the water. The waves were about two metres from crest to trough. We floated while waiting for the rest of our group to join us.

At first, I was not able to equalize so I re-surfaced. Thankfully, I was able to descend to twelve metres, which opened up another world altogether. Fish flashed, oxygen bubbles wobbled silver to the surface, and coral grew in convoluted patterns. I paused to take it all in and to appreciate weightless.

Dana, unfortunately, had air trapped between a filling and a tooth. The pressure was painful for her.

Our first dive was over so we climbed aboard. We headed to the bow to sit down and relax. That was a mistake for two reasons. One, I sunburned every part of my body except for my privates. Two, you are bounced up and down more in the bow than you would be in the middle of the boat; a rookie mistake.

Dana became sea sick. She went to the side and barfed. Fishes came up to feed on the vomit. A fellow diver came around the corner, saw Dana retching over the side, and returned quickly to where she came.

Dana puked again. Now, it was my turn. Seeing her vomit was too much on the rocky boat. I headed to the bathroom and spewed three times. But I could not flush for the toilets empty directly into the water. One of the rules of a dive is that you never flush for you never know who is diving directly beneath the boat.

Two hours later, we were feeling better. We skipped our second dive but we got to visit with a F-16 pilot from Singapore. Our dive instructor for the day was from the former Yugoslavia. We talked basketball and he promised that, one day, his countrymen would beat the Americans. He talked of how competitive and physical playground games were in his home country.

He also told us of how his country was ripped apart by war. When aid flowed in to the country, life was good. No one wanted for anything. But when the aid dried up, resources became scarce and the fighting began.

We were quite the pair. My ears and Dana’s tooth were sore. Yet, despite that and the sunburn and barfing, Dana and I sat back and watched the sun set over the Gulf of Thailand. We chilled and enjoyed our visit with these interesting men.

Our day was not so bad after all.

October 6

I woke up sunburned and with a cockroach spooning my Adam’s Apple. After I threw the roach off of me, I applied aloe to my entire body. My body radiated heat and glowed pink.

Since we missed a dive, Nit took us to the beach for a calmer dive session. The visibility was not nearly as good but we still enjoyed our the dive.

Afternoons were still spent preparing lessons for our substitute teachers back in Lahore. It sounded like everyone was doing fine at LAS.

October 7

We were told of Thailand’s “Lady Boys” and that they were very common. Dana is good at picking out these transvestites. I am not.

As we walked by a Thai Cabaret restaurant, we noticed two Lady Boys out front. They were trying to entice customers to come in. One was as tall as I was but a lot skinnier, if that was possible.

It was our turn to pass by. The tall one gave me a wink and a flirtatious tap on the shoulder. Dana thought that was very funny. We found another restaurant to go to.

I was still suffering from the painful sunburn from our dive day. I had never been burned that bad before. Skin peeled off my body for days, much like a snake sheds it’s skin. I wanted to fill the bathtub full of moisturizing lotion, put on my snorkel, and immerse my entire body in the tub for hours on end.

October 8

The U.S. led Coalition was attacking targets in Afghanistan, which led us all to believe that we would soon be returning to Canada rather than Lahore. LAS evacuated three years ago due to to American retaliatory strikes for an embassy bombing. That was a 30-day evacuation for only a day or two of strikes. This seemed much worse in comparison.

An American Secret Service said on CNN that this conflict would only last for a couple of days and then the Taliban would be finished. The Canadian embassy still had not given a forced evacuation notice.

It was strange but Kabul, Afghanistan, was on our list of places to travel to while in Pakistan.

October 10

Dana and I walked in to a small, wooden building. There they gave Thai massages with no sex attached. We were led upstairs to a large, open room. The roof angled up to a high peak. A window opened to the street below. Mats were scattered on the floor.

Dana and I laid down, side by side, as two petite, Thai women came in. The smaller kneeled beside me. That’s good. Dana’s back was bothering her and I thought the larger of the two might be better for her. Size did not matter. My masseuse proceeded to beat the living daylights out of me.

She twisted legs and arms in ways that were not meant to be twisted. She elbowed me in parts that were definitely not meant to be elbowed. At one point, blood flow to my leg was completely shut off. She sat on my feet and placed both of her feet in my groin. She pulled my legs back as hard as she could. Then the She-Devil stomped my hamstring and pulled my foot to my waist. I am not flexible. That hurt.

Besides, she was so tiny. How could someone that tiny cause so much pain? It felt like Hulk Hogan massaged me. Upon reflection, Hulk Hogan would not have be that mean.

But, by the time the session was over, my body felt pretty good. I was loose and limber and ready for a tough morning of relaxing on the beach.

We continued with our daily routine of chilling in the mornings and taking advantage of air-conditioning by doing school work in the hotel room or emailing at Internet cafes during the hotter afternoons.

October 11

Sadly, it was time to say goodbye to Koh Samui. We had booked a flight to Kuala Lumpur for the evening of the 11th.

We taxied to the Koh Samui International Airport, which was all open air. It was small but well maintained with gardens and fountains everywhere. The people were rude but at least the surroundings were nice.

The rudeness we experienced in Koh Samui was different from the rest of Thailand. I imagine that grouchiness comes with dealing with tourists all the time - can’t say I blame them. Some tourists can be a real Grandfather Rock.